defeating

FEAR

By JOHN LE ROY

As homosexuals, we often suffer many fears beyond the ordinary wor ries which plague nearly everyone. The fear of disapproval of a hostile heterosexual world is usually at the bottom of the worries of most homophiles. Before we deal with this specific problem, let us first examine some effective ways of combating fear and worry. Then we can have a better understanding of the best way to deal with the fears that confront many homosexuals.

1. Have a clear understanding of the thing you fear. In order to have a clear understanding, it is imperative that the fear be faced honestly and truthfully. This makes it possible to determine the cause and when this is known, it can be eliminated.

2. Decide whether or not something can be done about the thing you lear. If your analysis indicates that nothing CAN be done, why waste time and energy stewing and fretting about it? An old English proverb puts it this way:

For every evil under the sun,

There is a remedy, or there is none.

If there be one, try and find it. If there be none, never mind it.

If we cannot learn to face the inevitable, we face mental disaster. 3. Determine the probability of the thing you fear happening. There is a great tendency for us to make our own problems seem bigger than they really are. By computing the possibility of the problem ever arising, it becomes easier to view the problem in its proper perspective. If the thing you fear is not likely to happen, why worry about it? If it is, there is a good chance it won't be nearly as bad as was previously imagined.

4. Do the thing you fear. This is one of the most effective ways of combating fear. The more often we expose ourselves to a fearful situaction, the less fearful that situation becomes. By constantly facing the circumstances we fear, we familiarize ourselves with them to the mattachine REVIEW

extent where there is no longer anything to be feared. Psychiatrists call this process desensitization. George Bernard Shaw was once deathly afraid to speak before an audience, but by constantly speaking in public at every available opportunity, he became one of England's boldest and finest orators.

5. Deal with your fears immediately. Whenever possible, never postpone the making of a decision. It is always better to make a wrong choice than to constantly vacillate between two alternatives. The longer a condition of indecisiveness prevails, the more difficult the problem seems to be. A state of acute anxiety can be produced by constant vacillation. Nobody can ever be guaranteed to be right all the time. If you can be right half the time, you will probably be successful in practically all your endeavors. The time devoted to making decisions should be based on the importance of the decision. A decision, the outcome of which will make some difference in your life in the distant future is an important decision and some time should be devoted to careful deliberation. A trifling decision like, "What color sox shall I wear today?" has very little significance in your welfare a year from now. However, there are many important decisions we must all face. Here is a workable and effective method for reaching decisions: (a) Clearly and concisely state the problem. (b) Gather as many pertinent facts as possible. Be sure they are facts and not opinions. (c) Decide on all possible courses of action. (d) List the advantages and disadvantages of each course of action and rate them accor ding to their importance. A 1-to-10 rating is usually convenient for giving your estimate of the importance of each factor. (e) Follow through on the course of action having the highest score. However, before following through on part (c) it may be well to sleep on your problem. Sometimes decisions of your subconscious mind represent clearer and sounder thinking than your conscious mind. Whenever possible, give your subconscious a chance to work on your problem and it will pass its answer to your conscious mind in the form of a hunch or sudden inspiration so that you will have no doubt of what to do. 6. Believe in your ability to overcome fears and solve problems. It is just as easy to take a positive attitude toward something as a negative attitude. The type of attitude taken will largely determine the outcome. When confronted with a particular problem, why not search your past and see what capabilities you have developed which will equip you to cope with the problem? Then see what abilities must be developed that you don't have and take steps to cultivate them. For get about past mistakes and failures. Today is a new day with over 1000 minutes at your disposal. Use them wisely for once they have passed they will never return. If you have some form of physical